Yes, Dionysus is motion and dance and chaos. But is he not Diphyes? Two Natured? That’s a concept that can mean so many things. It’s one of my favorite epithets to contemplate. Sexual wanderer, eternal child, conquerer soldier, ultra femme, etc.
I think of it this way, THere is the ever moving, whirlwind dancing, Host of the procession, and then there is the Silent and Hungry, laid back and waiting, sexually tense bridegroom, in his chambers, peering through the open doors. Still and silent, and ready for a lover. Quiet and soft, amongst the nymphs of Nyssa.
I can’t confirm or deny what you feel or how He approaches you. But, I can certainly tell you I understand it. That there are many paths to Him, and this is not so strange.
After all, when the maenads escape the towns into the moutains and groves, are they not often simply weaving stephanos, nursing wild animals like mothers, and calling honey from the rocks?
He is grand. I know I’ve just spoken on His violent nature, but don’t pigeon hole Him into ANY one ideal or archtype. You are not alone….